Don’t Put Your Daughter On The Stage

Audition line; open casting call for Annie, Apollo Theatre, Victoria. Photo © David Secombe, 1980.

From Noel Coward On The Air, 1947:

Some years ago when I was returning from the Far East on a very large ship, I was pursued around the decks every day by a very large lady. She showed me some photographs of her daughter, a repellent-looking girl, and seemed convinced that she was destined for a great stage career. Finally, in sheer self-preservation, I locked myself in my cabin and wrote this song:

Don’t Put Your Daughter On The Stage, Mrs. Worthington.

Don’t put your daughter on the stage, Mrs. Worthington
Don’t put your daughter on the stage
The profession is overcrowded
The struggle’s pretty tough
And admitting the fact she’s burning to act
That isn’t quite enough
She’s a nice girl and though her teeth are fairly good
She’s not the type I ever would be eager to engage I repeat,
Mrs. Worthington, sweet Mrs. Worthington
Don’t put your daughter on the stage

[ … etc. The rest of the lyrics may be found here.]